I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
