You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
