Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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