my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
