Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
