these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
