at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
