Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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