just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
