I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
