When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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