nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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