Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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