Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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