the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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