I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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