so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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