It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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