we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
