She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
