the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
