Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
