I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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