Fine. I'll sleep in my office
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
