Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize