dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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