I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
