it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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