You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
