He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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