Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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