Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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