I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize