I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
