Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
