Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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