Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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