Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We named our party play list daddy issues
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
