Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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