the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
