you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
