what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
