i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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