You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
