That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
