chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
