The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize