sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize