I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
