It's Friday. Sex?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize