and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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