Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize