and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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