meet me or not, i'm out of control
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
