there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
PANTIES FOUND
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