how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
