duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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