so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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