I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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