I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
