her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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