Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize