I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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