if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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