Your dad touched me again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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