she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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