He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
