im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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