Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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