I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
