we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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