my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
