What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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