I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does one acquire holy water?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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