12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
