Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
