so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
