I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
