I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
