did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
