sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
